Just reiterating Rule #13 about celebrating your victories. It’s worth mentioning again.
Rule #32: Let Them Have their Little Victories
Your Dad displays a natural talent for bowling. And he knows it.
He’s cute when he gloats. For the first few hours.
After that it gets a little tough to swallow, but you’ve got to do it! He’s worth it.
Rule #33: Jealousy is Not Always Rational
I have to feel for Uncle Akira, because I’m the same way myself. When he and Miko finally got married years later I may have been making that face myself. People have their stuff. Sometimes you just have to let it go.
Even if it ruins some of the wedding photos.
Rule #34: Caterers and Mixologists are Worthless
Just DIY, dear. Save yourself the money and the headaches. We hired both for our wedding and spared no expense. I ended up pouring the drinks, and your darling father baked our cake. The actual staff didn’t show up until the wedding was almost over. UGH!
I’m still a little mad about that, to be honest.
Even though I got my revenge on the venue itself.
Rule #35: Make Sure You Eat at Your Own Wedding
It’s a hard one to follow, but I’m telling you, you’ll need the energy. Plus, finding a quiet moment to share some cake with your new hubby (or wifey!) is pretty priceless.
It was a good day.
Rule #36: Evil People Have Their Uses
You may not recognize him, but that’s your Uncle Max. This is the day we met. I beat him at chess (even though he cheated) and he asked me to join the Renegades.
That group was unbelievably valuable to me. I learned so much, and my membership was instrumental in helping me accomplish my goals.
Plus, I got a super-cool outfit.
Which reminds me: Rule #37: Club Outfits are Hit or Miss.
Try to get control as soon as you can or you may end up looking like Uncle Akira at a festival.
Rule #38: A Round of Applause is Not the Correct Response to a Pregnancy Announcement.
Just FYI. Maybe pass that one along to your future partner.
Rule #39: Chopsticks Take Practice
Related to good old Rule #9 (Feeding yourself is complicated) and also #15 (Some things take time), but it bears repeating. You’ll get it. Don’t worry.
Rule #40: Men are Utterly Useless in the Delivery Room
Completely, utterly useless.
I don’t know how women are, but I think it’s safe to say they’ll respond the same way. Point being, when the time comes for you to have a child (and make me a grandmother! Gasp!) you’re going to be on your own. But don’t worry. You’ll survive. Your body knows what it’s doing, and so does that wacky machine they put you in, regardless of the incompetence of the doctor operating it.
You’ll be all right, and your baby will be worth it. This I know.
Rule #41 There’s No Shame in Getting Back to Business
Yes, babies are cute, but they sleep a lot and not wanting to stare at them for the ENTIRE time they’re doing that doesn’t make you a bad mother.
Nor does hitting the club when you’re thiiiiiiis close to completing your life’s aspiration.
I not only became Chief of Mischief that day, I also beat Marcus Flex in a dance-off. (Despite having no shoes on! See rule #37) And did I rub it in with a maniacal laugh? Yes, yes I did.
And did I add further insult to injury by testing out my airhorn on him? Maybe.
So what if I did?
Sorry for the lack of baby pictures, sweet pea, but here’s the thing: you were cute, but looked exactly like every other baby ever. Seriously, have a baby and look at it. That’s what you looked like. I loved you (and still love you) to itty-bitty bits and pieces, but I preserve that warm, gooey feeling of love for your infant self in my heart, not on film.
Or maybe I was just really, really tired when you were a newborn and didn’t think to pick up a camera. You’ll understand when you have your own.
Lots of love,