Rule #26: Sometimes Singles Night Starts Slow
Jaleesa invited me out again and Manpony and Nina Caliente were the only ones there at first. But THEN! Wait for it. Wait for it . . .
Tada! It’s your Daddy! Yes, we met at the bar on Singles Night. I was exhausted, tense, and still smarting from the walloping my ego had received from Uncle Akira and Friendly Food Vendor, but even then I knew the value of Rule #24, so when Jaleesa called, I answered.
And the rest is history.
There’s Jaleesa, bless her sweet, matchmaking heart, and there’s your Dad trying to impress me with the only push-ups I would ever see him do over the course of our entire marriage. I know when he tells this story he claims that I played hard to get, but the simple truth is I was all set to plant our first kiss on his sweet, goofy face when I literally passed out from exhaustion.
Rule #27: Timing is Everything
Akira called me up the very next morning and asked me out. His choice of venue was a little odd for 9 a.m. on a Saturday, but I figured maybe the dance club secretly had a great brunch menu and he had the inside scoop.
It doesn’t, and he didn’t. He’s just a weird guy. It was a fine date. We both had a good time, and I managed to up my mischief skill pretty significantly, but whatever sparks there may have been between us were snuffed out. We’re solidly friends. Just friends.
Which brings me to Rule #28: You’ll Know
I’m grateful to Akira for asking me on that awkward date because it just confirmed what I already knew, deep down: your Dad is the only guy for me.
I asked him out to the flea market that very day, and it was magic.
He’s as bad at karaoke as I am, but somehow every second with him felt right. Everything he said was funny and interesting, and every move I made on him was a solid success.
I invited him back to my place afterward, and he never left.
Penny had a good night that night, too. Then again, Penny seemed to have a lot of good nights. This time I didn’t mind at all.
So we became an official couple, I completely redid his wardrobe, and life started to really feel like it was on track.
Even Uncle Akira was cool about it. Like I was saying, when you know, you know . . . and everybody else knows, too.
You know I’m a touch possessive, and being in a relationship opened up a whole new world of tension and worry for me. Sure I knew Travis was my one and only, but how would everyone else know if I wasn’t constantly glued to his side or he had some physical manifestation of our love constantly on his finger? I immediately started thinking about that next step.
But first I wanted to make sure he was cool with all of me. Not just the cutely jealous, bumbling scientist part. Also, the prankster internet troll with a hand buzzer part. He was, and is, and I’m so grateful.
Which brings me to Rule #29: You Are the Total Package, and Your Partner Will Accept All of It
Even if you spend the entire humor and hijinks festival convincing everyone the tea is poisonous and blaming your farts on Geoffrey Landgraab, if you’ve found the One, he (or she! Mommy loves you!) will be entranced and think you are a comedic genius. Your Dad loves me because of my flaws, not in spite of them, and I love him because he’s a total dork with zero fashion sense whose hair is the color of processed cheese. He is my ideal, and I wouldn’t have him any other way.
Of course, I did help him with his hair a little bit. And the clothes. But I loved him first!
Rule #30 Kids are Adorable, But Make Sure You’re Ready
Eric invited us to dinner the night after Humor and Hijinks, and the sight of the truly adorable Olivia Spencer-Kim-Lewis clearing the table and doing the dishes sent me into a tailspin of baby fever. And mixed metaphors!
I told your Dad we needed to get pregnant immediately, and he was understandably shocked. It was our first fight.
And our first make-up. He’s the best. He was right, of course, and you were worth waiting for.
Rule #31: People May Get Over You Faster Than You’d Like
Here I am explaining to Friendly Food Vendor that we have to just be friends because I’m in a committed, long-term, monogamous relationship. He took it extremely well, which frankly offended me. As did the fact that he was out on a date with Katrina Caliente just days after he’d been snuggling me at a late-night bonfire. I’d moved on, and he’d moved on, but it still smarted a little bit.
Which made the fact that Travis proposed a few minutes later right in front of him all the more satisfying. Your Dad really is perfect, and a master of Rule 27: Timing is Everything.
Penny did not have as good a night that night. Poor Penny.
Love you, sweetie! Until next time,