Chapter 3

Rule #26: Sometimes Singles Night Starts Slow

93.1 Singles Night Starts Slow

Jaleesa invited me out again and Manpony and Nina Caliente were the only ones there at first. But THEN! Wait for it. Wait for it . . .

93.2 Well Hey There

Tada! It’s your Daddy! Yes, we met at the bar on Singles Night. I was exhausted, tense, and still smarting from the walloping my ego had received from Uncle Akira and Friendly Food Vendor, but even then I knew the value of Rule #24, so when Jaleesa called, I answered.

93.3 He's Into It

And the rest is history.

93.4 Trying to Impress

There’s Jaleesa, bless her sweet, matchmaking heart, and there’s your Dad trying to impress me with the only push-ups I would ever see him do over the course of our entire marriage. I know when he tells this story he claims that I played hard to get, but the simple truth is I was all set to plant our first kiss on his sweet, goofy face when I literally passed out from exhaustion.

94 Almost

Rule #27:  Timing is Everything

95 Eureka a Date

Akira called me up the very next morning and asked me out. His choice of venue was a little odd for 9 a.m. on a Saturday, but I figured maybe the dance club secretly had a great brunch menu and he had the inside scoop.

96 Is This Working

It doesn’t, and he didn’t. He’s just a weird guy. It was a fine date. We both had a good time, and I managed to up my mischief skill pretty significantly, but whatever sparks there may have been between us were snuffed out. We’re solidly friends. Just friends.

96 So Inappropriate

Which brings me to Rule #28:  You’ll Know

97 This is Better

I’m grateful to Akira for asking me on that awkward date because it just confirmed what I already knew, deep down:  your Dad is the only guy for me.

I asked him out to the flea market that very day, and it was magic.

98 Memories

He’s as bad at karaoke as I am, but somehow every second with him felt right. Everything he said was funny and interesting, and every move I made on him was a solid success.

102 That's the Spot

I invited him back to my place afterward, and he never left.

103 Seal the Deal

Penny had a good night that night, too. Then again, Penny seemed to have a lot of good nights. This time I didn’t mind at all.

104 Penny's Having a Good Night Too

So we became an official couple, I completely redid his wardrobe, and life started to really feel like it was on track.

105 Boyfriended

Even Uncle Akira was cool about it. Like I was saying, when you know, you know . . . and everybody else knows, too.

107 Word Gets Around

You know I’m a touch possessive, and being in a relationship opened up a whole new world of tension and worry for me. Sure I knew Travis was my one and only, but how would everyone else know if I wasn’t constantly glued to his side or he had some physical manifestation of our love constantly on his finger? I immediately started thinking about that next step.

111 Walls Up

But first I wanted to make sure he was cool with all of me. Not just the cutely jealous, bumbling scientist part. Also, the prankster internet troll with a hand buzzer part. He was, and is, and I’m so grateful.

112 Welcome to My World

Which brings me to Rule #29:  You Are the Total Package, and Your Partner Will Accept All of It

113 Down to Business

Even if you spend the entire humor and hijinks festival convincing everyone the tea is poisonous and blaming your farts on Geoffrey Landgraab, if you’ve found the One, he (or she! Mommy loves you!) will be entranced and think you are a comedic genius. Your Dad loves me because of my flaws, not in spite of them, and I love him because he’s a total dork with zero fashion sense whose hair is the color of processed cheese. He is my ideal, and I wouldn’t have him any other way.

115 Welcome Home

Of course, I did help him with his hair a little bit. And the clothes. But I loved him first!

119 Kids are Awesome

Rule #30 Kids are Adorable, But Make Sure You’re Ready

Eric invited us to dinner the night after Humor and Hijinks, and the sight of the truly adorable Olivia Spencer-Kim-Lewis clearing the table and doing the dishes sent me into a tailspin of baby fever. And mixed metaphors!

120 Shocker

I told your Dad we needed to get pregnant immediately, and he was understandably shocked. It was our first fight.

121 Mishief then Making Out

And our first make-up. He’s the best. He was right, of course, and you were worth waiting for.

Rule #31:  People May Get Over You Faster Than You’d Like

129 Just Friends

Here I am explaining to Friendly Food Vendor that we have to just be friends because I’m in a committed, long-term, monogamous relationship. He took it extremely well, which frankly offended me. As did the fact that he was out on a date with Katrina Caliente just days after he’d been snuggling me at a late-night bonfire. I’d moved on, and he’d moved on, but it still smarted a little bit.

132 Yes

Which made the fact that Travis proposed a few minutes later right in front of him all the more satisfying. Your Dad really is perfect, and a master of Rule 27:  Timing is Everything.

133 Didn't Work Out for Penny

Penny did not have as good a night that night. Poor Penny.

Love you, sweetie! Until next time,

Your Mom

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