Moneypenny, Week 1

What on earth have you two gotten me into?


Here’s the house. I built it myself. It does the job and has a bit of alien flair. Enough said.


Here are the husband prospects, among them the evil blue-skinned chap you’re both so fond of. You’ll note that none of these fine specimens had the sense to don a disguise, so I was forced to select one based upon personality, of all things, rather than actual physical attraction. Can you imagine?


I decided this particular fellow’s assets were the most appealing, so I moved him in, and wouldn’t you know? I got lucky.


Yes, I believe Corey is going to suit me just fine.


Mary, I’m assuming you recognize this walking musical nuisance? I realize you have to keep him occupied, dear, but he plays violin at the crack of dawn on my street corner Every. Single. Morning. Without fail. It’s just got to stop. He must have mastered the skill by now. He’s tireless! And completely unrelenting!

I’m assuming this is his dark form, as that legendary chin dimple is brazenly on display at all times!


I said yes. Obviously.


We spent a bit of time together.


Which resulted in a touch of nausea. You’ll no doubt know what that means.


This guy flirtily introduced himself to me in the middle of my date with Corey and now seems to think we’re sweethearts. I mean, really.


The next day. Crack of dawn. I am not even remotely joking. Mary, he must be stopped!


We’re adorable. You don’t have to tell me.

Vamping Along

In case you were hoping for updates on your offspring, Mary dear. There you are. Vamping along just fine. (NOTE THE BACKGROUND MUSICIAN. IS HE EVERYWHERE?)


I’ve entered the astronaut career only to discover that as a pregnant woman I’m not allowed to perform my daily task for work. The only equipment they’d let me near at the gym was a basketball. What an eyeroll of a situation! Lawyers ruin everything. Feel free to make humorous comparisons between my stomach and the ball. Everyone else at the gym did. At any rate, while dribbling about didn’t complete my daily work task, it did raise my fitness to level 3, so I’m at least set for my next promotion in that regard. Also, it was fun, so I’ve installed a court at home, right behind the rocket ship, and I’ve got a whole club of aliens to play with me whenever I like.


Unlike you two hippies, I elected to bring my child into the world at the nice, sensible, safe hospital.


Corey is in a bit of a snit in this photo because he was convinced they’d see through our disguises. They did, of course, and even if they hadn’t I think the bright purple baby would have tipped them off, but all they did was give us a fancy birth certificate. Being an alien is so blasé these days. I blame you and your sexy undead friends, Mary!

I’m pleased to present my son to you. Felix. So now you can both say you’ve got a friend named Felix who can fix anything.


Aren’t you lucky?


Delightfully, I’m now allowed to exercise again. On another topic, do you think one of you might consider marrying your offspring off to that Paolo Rocca fellow? Though I’ve never paid him the slightest attention he’s constantly flirty around me and is always calling to ask me out to breakfast. Corey’s not a jealous man, but this really needs to stop. Help a girl out, would you?


Corey and I both had to leave for work one morning and I realized there was no one around to watch Felix. I’m not averse to hiring a nanny, but we could use some help around the house with other things, and my gym trainer’s a real peach, so I asked her to move in.


Like I said . . . help me out here.


My boys. I dare you to find a handsomer pair.


I think it would be safe to say I’m quite satisfied with myself and my little family.


Jillian is a wonder with Felix,


and an utter tyrant with me.


Yours babble nonsense to you, too, yes? Any clue as to the meaning of “Fee bee lay?” I’m utterly confounded. Parenting tips are gladly accepted. It’s quite fortunate for Felix that he’s so independent, because mummy is more than a little bit lost.


One last shot of the house and I’m through. It’s been an exhausting week, girls. Congrats on yours and keep me posted.




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